The Quotes Museum

[MartinW]

Funny bugger that MartinW  

[Gassoon]

Funny bugger that MartinW  

He's definitely been practicing his one-liners!

[Gassoon]

Timmo is impressed.

kawasaki h2  linky

by Timmo » Wed Oct 01, 2014 8:52 am

Wow! have you seen this bike, one sneeze and you would have lost your licence or gone back to the future to rectify all the mistakes you have made  -  296 bhp.

[Gassoon]

The very brave Snowstrom, after her horrible bike accident is now trying to become the NHS's first (budget)bionic woman...

"The last thing they said they would do is an operation to implant electrodes along the spinal cord...to force the pain signals out of the way. It would be battery powered and the battery pack would be implanted, of all places, into my arse cheek..."

Holmsey replies:

Wow   sounds a painful rebuild .... I wish you well

The last time my wife had a battery in her arse it was attached to a ......... (well that's another story)

[Gassoon]

Only about 3 months since the last new exhibit was placed here (c'mon, feel free to add!)


Big Al wi the Vee wrote:

PS - Is there a ride out on tomorrow?

Kirky1298 (freshly installed yesterday as 'ALBA RIDE/meet Co-ordinator)

Oh feck !!!
I knew there was something on tomorrow.
I've opened a litre of Smirnoff now and it would be rude not to finish it
Think the wind has to be blawing a hoolie and snaw oan the hills.
.......I clean forgot bout the ride out .
I'm now in the wind down and chill out phase. I guess what I'm trying to say is ......
NO . No ride out tomorrow .      

       Oh the feckin irony! Class!

[Gassoon]

Brockett froths his morning coffee over his keyboard (probably!) and delivers this blast after watching

Re: 'The expert'  humour video posted by ProfG about the inane senselessless of many, many a meeting.
viewtopic.php?f=62&t=25583

by Brockett » Tue Mar 03, 2015 9am

Yep. I've been in meetings like that.
............ we were there to discuss the furniture for the train crews mess room and some woman is wittering on about gender neutral colours for the fabric. Gender Neutral ( FFS).
It was afterwards that I understood the urge to open a sports bag and remove an AK47 and do away with those blaggers and wasters and know nothing university graduates that had crawled their way up in their own personal elevator of sycophancy, but who then run off to 'Employee Relations' to display their hurt feelings when someone (not unlike me) tells them what it's really like, in real life, out in the real world.


Now where's my medication??????

I bet you felt better after letting that out Brockett

[Gassoon]

Smallest van that fits a Strom in it

by Timmo » Wed Mar 11, 2015 12:17 am asked the innocent question:

"What size van can you get away with transporting [a] Strom size bike?"

Snowstrom: "Try PMing Fat Rat, he's experienced at cramming Stroms into his passionwagons    "

FatRat: "The SWB Vivaro/Trafic is OK...And @ Hev, it's true to say I have had various old bikes in various vans"

Tallpaul:

Timmo wrote: [ref snows phys rehab video] Snowstrom! saw your bikini shoot looked scarey

"Hello, have I missed something?! Or is this one of those credit card wotchamacallits?"

Timmo told Fatrat that as he'd not have a mattress in the back, the bike was sure to fit...

Fatrat: "No mattress   good god man, that's like owning a kettle and having no Hob Nobs  "


  A line I will try my friggin damndest to use today, in real life!

[Fat Rat]

I'm honoured to have finally been quoted in this fine establishment.

(Why did it take so bloody long)?  

[MartinW]

You hadn't said anything interesting before  

[Fat Rat]

Touche'

[Gassoon]

Hehheh! Putting quotable exchanges directly into the museum now! I like it!

[MartinW]

Just saving you from some extra work Gassoon.

[endintears]

New member dogbreath , straight in there ( for me, not heard it before) simple and straight to the point
"I bought the bike then told the wife - much easier to obtain forgiveness than permission"

[SnowStrom]

In steve1962's intriguingly titled thread 'Where Was I?', chalks gave us a whimsical perspective on what goes on inside his head:

As a ridiculously small midget,

living in the lap of luxury in an alarm box with a big blue window, overlooking the universe, grebbing on passers by?

I wish I was tiny.

 

[Gassoon]

Stromgeeza welcomed Snowstrom onto the mods team like this:

Welcome on board!

We'll all try to remember to leave the seat down after using our executive washroom.

 

Snowstrom replied:

Ooh executive washroom, nice. I can cope with lowering the lid, just don't use the last of the bog roll without replacing it  

PS. There is no executive washroom, really.

[SnowStrom]

Right then folks, I've had my induction, got my stationery arranged on my desk and my 'You Don't Have To Be Mad To Work Here But It Helps!!!!!!' mug is full of Tetley's finest. I'll be prowling the forums on the lookout for pearls of wisdom, comedy or sheer WTF, but please do let me know if you see something worthy of inclusion into our august establishment.

Snow, Assistant Curator

[SnowStrom]

From this thread about the delightful Headington  roundabout in Oxford, thatbloke advises:
 

always get multiple witness statements because the other party will otherwise claim you're at fault, and that you ruthlessly threw yourself under their wheels in order to make them spill their drink or interrupt their texting

and with first hand experience observes that

engine protection bars rip cars bodywork to shreds. They must be forged from rock solid karma.

[MartinW]

The Museum Mistress isn't going to be vain enough to preserve one of her own comments, so I will do it for her.

In a conversation bemoaning the lack of suitable sized bike trousers for a number of us larger gentlemen, Miss Snowstrom pointed out that there are similar problems for ladies too.

The thing that pisses me off most though is the assumption that if you have a big arse & childbearing hips, that you have an enormous flabby stomach too. My leather trousers have so much room cut in them for a gunt I don't have that it makes me feel really self conscious at how there's a big fold of empty leather right across my unmentionables. Grrrr!

Hugo Magnus (and I doubt he was the only one) had to google "gunt" to find out what Snowstrom was going on about.

[grumps]

Just Googled it. Put me off my lunch......and Dinner....and Supper.... and breakfast is making a bid for freedom

[Sam]

Then I'd suggest that you don't google 'gunt butter'...........it gets much worse