The Quotes Museum

[SnowStrom]

Live from the West Wales Meet:

Trying to decide who Diver reminds us of, suggestions of William Shakespeare, D'Artagnan etc. Diver asks if it's someone from a film we're thinking of and Josh blurts out:

'Is it Brokeback Mountain?

[SnowStrom]

Following on from the shock dethroning of our resident quad bike champion, much pisstaking was had. Luckily Josh sees the funny side:

Josh's mum & dad may have sold their van in disgust by now :D

For Sale:

2006 Vauxhall Movano - Medium WB Medium roof - 60,000 Miles, Crew Cab and roof rack-
Geniune reason for sale: Disowned shameful son.

Also worth a read are the dead good stories of fun and hijinks around corpses, available here...

[MartinW]

Well Done Josh for keeping within the piss taking spirit of the forum and accepting that he is no longer King of the Hill and is just a slow old-timer making up the numbers.
   

[MartinW]

In THIS Conversation on sticky centre stands, Elephant was advised to clean and oil the pivot area, to which he replied ...

Will get under my girl and squirt in the lube!

[Joe Rocket]

I've heard some phrases for a good ride but Mancus_Magpie came up with this:

"it's the closest I've been to a bike-gasm"

I don't know what he means......  

[MartinW]

Rusty Nuts has just realised he is travelling to Greece on Election Day. That made him come out with this little gem.

"Trust me to be travelling on voting day. Let's see if they make a Drachma out of a crisis"

[SnowStrom]

Stromtrooper James should really have foreseen the response he'd get by requesting in the title of his thread can someone make me a tool. Luckily Greywolf was on the scene in under an hour with:

Shazam! You're a tool.

[Stromtrooper james]

YAY I'm famous!

[tallpaul]

Yes, but for all the wrong reasons!

[Rusty Nuts]

Surprised it was GW, actually. You must have been sitting on your hands and biting your lip as hard as me, Paul.

[tallpaul]

I was. There's blood everywhere...

[TLPower]

He wouldn't bite his lip Rusty, not lettuce you see.

[Joe Rocket]

Thanks to Andy M for this delicious quote, very historical and informative.

"Eggs Mayonnaise BTW was invented to celebrate the battle of Mayon in 17-something. Froggies lost by 8 battleships to nil and said Frigate*. Could have been far more interesting. Imagine McHorseburger and chips with rum , salted cabbage and a touch of weevil."

I shall be using it in my welcome-to-France speech next june..............may...be!  :wink:

[Gassoon]

Rusty Nuts' take [HERE] on the more ridiculous aspects of UK metrication, past and present:

...Shillings went. Done. ( So were we, the Penny Arrow still cost a penny the day after decimalisation. Saturday I could have got 240 Penny Arrows for a quid, Monday the same Penny Arrows in the same jar bought at the cash & carry at the old price, 100 for a pound! )
Metrication needed / needs to be done thoroughly, if it's going to be done: I'm all in favour of it.
But I reckon it'll be after I'm 1.83m under.

[Gassoon]

I have removed the dust-sheets from the cabinets in this here museum, just to inter this nugget from AndyM, as he congratulates grumps on his new grandchild.

Congratulations.

Treat em like your grandparents did you.High on sugar and immune to any worries about dirt or outside goes down so well with modern parents. I let the nephew help me change oil ( keeps them regular you know)  then "paid" him in biscuits. Hyper five year old with oily hands and a white t- shirt 

The little *** grassed us up for having two pints while dog walking. Modern yoof 
Andy

[Gassoon]

JRS81 Re: Ooh La La Tour 2016!
February 02, 2016, 01:42:52 pm »

these are just the main ferry routes; there may well be others available, you might be able to persuade a friendly fisherman to take you over in exchange for a days labour,

  nice idea!

[Gassoon]

Beyond the call of duty??

mallywoods Re: Age in the Blue Oyster

Well as an ex MOT tester, lve ridden them all, sports and adventure, the DL650 is comfortable and reliable for a daily commute, then home for a clean up and a couple of weeks touring in Belgium, Germany and South of France...

Rustynuts asks: "@ mallywoods: does the bike mot require you to ride them now?"   

[Gassoon]

 imindoors  starts a  St Valentines Day Massacre thread
« on: February 13, 2016

With a cautionary tale about buying petrol station flowers, and getting a bollocking..."I hope you blokes have your cards/gifts/flowers ready..."

There followed some neat ideas such as AndyM's: "Took her to the Dragon rally the first year. Anything that involves a meal requiring more than two pans, drink in a glass glass and sleeping indoors is now viewed as a bonus"

And the ever-popular: "Well I got a table booked for me and the missus.........

Bound to end in tears though - she's rubbish at snooker  "  from Andyonbass

After some thread talk about the power of chocolate, Rustynuts counters: "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker".

  Feck me - poetry! Sort of. 

[Rusty Nuts]

All credit to the above must go to Ogden Nash, much as I would like to claim it as my own.

[Joe Rocket]

I liked this from JRS81:

I ripped out the guts of my Epiphone Sheraton a few years ago and put in a Seymour Duncan Phat Cat in the neck position, and a Bare Knuckles Nailbomb in the bridge position with a coil tap on the Nailbomb ...........

How would anyone know it's about a guitar!