The Quotes Museum

[Jacko]

Gassoon, in the interest of accuracy the price we were on about was for the official spotlights. They'd dropped from £580 to £495.

Good work here though.

[edit by Gassoon: cheers Jacko, altered ]

[MartinW]

Next up - some muff thread quotes. [Mods, can I say that? ]

You can unless Mr Rat makes a change to the filter.

[Gassoon]

Re: More than one bike? thread

by Fatbelly » Thu Dec 19, 2013 12:21 pm

I have a 25 year old moped. And when people laugh at it I stab them.

      (that's not at your moped btw   )

[Gassoon]

Hein Gericke has gone into administration again (sadly for customers, and even more so for staff).
Mr Diver liked their more upmarket kit, but says this about their cheaper stuff:

There was a massive quality jump in their gear. Jackets under £100 were made of something that equated to belly-button fluff dipped in PVA...

   

[SimonW]

Gassoon, pardon my ignorance of the rules, but are we non-curators allowed to post quotes here?

[Gassoon]

Indeed you are! Please! In fact I've been trying to [s:16rh9y6l]skive[/s:16rh9y6l] I mean, encourage youse lot to contribute for ages.

Mind it has to be canny good, and desorving of a place like.;-)  

[mr_diver]

Yeah, has to be good to get in here... that's why I'm very surprised when I do get in here, I tend to talk Sh*t mostly.

I take it my little story on the [More than One Bike?] thread didn't make it in then?  

[mr_diver]

   

I helped one of the blokes in the local dealers to put it back on the side stand after he slipped on the wet tile floor while moving it and ended up kneeling and just keeping it up enough to not crush him under it.  
I then offered to sit on it and move it if he pushed it as he was too short in the leg to sit on it... worked but it's a heavy old beast.

[Juvecu]

Let's keep the quotes in here to ones from this forum though

[Gassoon]

that's a nice one simon, but as Juvecu says, the idea was to preserve some peaches from the forum in our own 'museum'    Maybe we should have a sticky area for external quotes in the 'Humour' section though?

Diver - it was one of threads I hadn't read at all... !

Sex machine(s) - life in South Wales

Re: More than one bike?

by mr_diver » Thu Dec 19, 2013 1:38 pm

It it possible to have more than one bike but they do breed.
I started off with a ybr125 custom. That got traded for the Strom. The Strom then mated with my dads deauville and I ended up with a cx500ec. The deauville was having an affair with a vespa in the local bike dealers.
The deauville then moved into the extension.
The deauville then buggered off but not after getting the vespa up the duff, I then ended up with a shiny baby cruiser gz125 marauder being dropped at my door. The gz125 is asking for a big brother and Strom has to take care of the cx500 ec (which with increasing years needs regular hospital treatment) and the gz125. And the Strom is also getting lonely and is looking for a new smaller, lighter more fun focused mate - somthing like a crf250l.

So a word of wisdom. Stop at 2 then get them castrated or you will be!

Don't turn your back on a bike in south Wales...

[Gassoon]

[Simon, man! You should have just left the quote in, no big deal man!   ]

AndyM on the 'safety' cut-out switches:

Re: Handy Tip

by Andy M » Tue Dec 24, 2013

Is the switch NO or NC? [normally open or closed] I'd guess NC in which case just make up a jumper wire to bypass the faulty switch. You'll never be troubled by it again so long as you don't try and start it in gear on the stand.

If I was prepping a bike for long distance the clutch switch would be binned along with its mate on the side stand. I manage to remember that McDonald's serve hot coffee and eating yellow snow is bad so I might survive.
Andy

[Gassoon]

For once, not a funny quote for the archives:

Re: ACF 50 on tyre...maybe

by bosnjo » Mon Dec 30, 2013

Try to cover that spot with a lot of baby powder, leave it for one hour, then just wipe off or aspirate with vacum cleaner. That's the technique we used when I worked as a mechanic. We used it on brake pads, brake shoes, brake discs and drums, whenever any kind of grease found its way where it shouldn't. If amount is big, just repeat the process.

Then,

We've used baby powder on every brakes service, even though no oil had been spilled on any part. For example, new disks and pads, no oil spill, we'd cover each disk with powder and deliver the vehicle that way to the customer, without wiping of the powder off. That way we'd make sure braking was immediate and good, and powder would come off by itself just after few miles.
But, that was 20 years ago, back in days when garage would work much slower, just to make sure vehicle was 100% good after leaving the service. We were under strict control of the one old mechanic... you know, the kind of bloke almost walking arround with a whip... The job had to be done perfectly. Then other times came and our way of doing service was dying. Customers started to look for other places, cheaper and quicker. Our boss didn't want to change, he said he loved what he's chosen to do for living and the garage will keep on providing excellent service for a fair price. I left the shop, took some more education and completely changed my profession, and old bloke watched his garage going out of business. Few years later, he died. Sad story.
Sorry, got carried away from the subject. It's just memories of good old garage...

We salute him, and your memory of him! )

[Gassoon]

Skipper comes over all nostalgic for the '70's, bikes, cars etc. in Blue Oyster bar, under 'Rush'.
Morris marinas are mentioned as well as other assorted crap vehicles...then

Descolada » Mon Jan 13, 2014

"Morris Marinas, Allegro" .. don't get me started. I passed my car test in an Austin Princess. It had suspension that made it feel like you were in a boat when you put the handbrake on. My first car was my lovely HC Viva. God I did some shit in and to that car..."

"No fate but what we make..."

Reply by tallpaul

My brother had a HC Viva! Don't think he ever had a shit in it though.

[Juvecu]

In a discussion about helmets with peaks, Andy M drops another gem:

My all time favourite, while wearing the Fly racing jobbie, was a kiddy who shot back to the nearest parent to hide from "Darth Vader". The mother went a fantastic shade of red as I walked by whistling the Imperial march bit from The Empire Strikes back!

[Gassoon]

Re: Lidl bargain bits Jan 28, 2014

Gassoon wrote:Got my photos working again, and a few days ago picked up this in Lidls...




Hilldweller said

Looks like a sex aid to me.

Abercol wrote:

Aye, well, it beats poking it with a screwdriver...........

The filter man, the filter.....    

[Gassoon]

Attila In Seasonal Animals Mix-Up Shock! Horror!

Thread title: Confusion over which Easter Beaver.

by Attila2013  Thu Feb 13, 2014

Hi. Read some of the threads about Easter beaver products. It's a bit confusing to me. Sounds like we really need that so called relay...

I like the idea better than the more usual easter bunny...

(Sorry attila, could not resist )

[Gassoon]

Royal Enfield 500 EFI thread

Mr divers wife expressed an interest in Harleys, a painful situation for the Harley-allergic Mr D "...and [she] now wants a sodding 883 Sportster SuperLow...
To her the sportster is a lighter bike to lift off the side stand and feels better balanced and more comfortable than the other options... even with it's 255kg wet. (wee is around 200kg, and sitting on a Superlow makes me feel like I'm trying to squeeze a pineapple out of my arse and lick my knee at the same time )"

 

An experience he never thought he'd have again  

[Gassoon]

From thread:  What's the largest/most ridiculous thing you've ever had in your topbox!

by SnowStrom » Sun Feb 23, 2014

I had a huge selection of of prehistoric flint tools that I need to transport, and had run out of bubble wrap... ended up raiding my knicker drawer for packing materials in the end, surprising how well a pair of keks works for wrapping handaxes ^^ smaller tools bundled together in socks, etc. Rode like a ROSPA campaigner on Mogadon all the way there, wondering what the rozzers would think if I crashed and the topbox spilled open onto the road  

Thinking of the police trying to make sense of the scattered evidence, Rusty Nuts suggests:

Evidence room docket: "neolithic knick-knacks in knapper's knickers"

     

[Gassoon]

Re: Hola intercoms + Ghostbikes sale thread
by tallpaul » Tue Feb 25, 2014

Some things you have to to take a chance with. It's not like I'm risking a blow job from a starving cannibal or anything, It's just an intercom. What's the worst that can happen?

And tallpaul's signature line? : Old enough to know better, but still too young to care.
   

[Gassoon]

Moving on competition thread in Blue Oyster Bar

by Andy M » Sat Apr 26, 2014

"Well chaps my good intentions went out the window. I sold the wee."

Andy started a small competition, eventually won by Jacko, to guess the make, model and colour of his new bike, which turned out to be an interesting and rather good-looking Moto Guzzi V7 in black/stone.

He feels its worth it, despite an increase in domestic chores and unwelcome shopping locations, and as a bonus he made sure of naming the bike before the wife had a chance:

I have made a pre-emptive strike on the Wifes habit of naming vehicles. To avoid a repeat of Bonnie the Bonneville, Susie the Suzuki and Sally the Sandero the Guzzi will be called Cheryl. This is because it is registered in Newcastle, has disproportionately sized jugs stuck out for everyone to see and is far from everyones taste, but despite that you'd think it'd be a good ride