The Quotes Museum

[Juvecu]

Abercol in response to a camera related thread:

Looks like a decent bit of kit for the enthusiastic dogger.

   

[Sven]

Right, I found out what happened from the moderator logs. It seems Gassoon has used the Edit button instead of the Quote button

Please mock him all you want so that he doesn't do it again

Its what happens when you send a boy to do a man's job...

[Gassoon]

Eh!? Wossgoinon? (Rubs eyes). I have no recollection of any of this!   And why is this empty bottle of Captain Morgan's finest on the desk, in front of my screen?

 

Er, moving swiftly on...

[Firestorm]

Ah ha! So, I'm not the only one who suffers from the occasional 'Brain Fade'!! Excellent - I feel better already.

[Juvecu]

hookie was complaining about having to fork out £500 for some certificate to get his ancient caravan registered in France, but told them he'd set it on fire instead of paying that.

Jacko 'helped' by pointing out the positive sides of the situation:

Look on the bright side, you'll no longer own a caravan, and you'll be £500 better off.. Win/win.

 

[Jacko]

Here to help.

[Gassoon]

[belatedly] Glad to hear that Jacko...!

Speaking of which:

Re: fuel economy Wee vs Bandit

by Jacko » Wed Jun 19, 2013 7:49 am

I had 89 showing on the mpg readout after I'd filled up in Leyburn during the Squires meet, I'd been stuck at 40mph in a limit and behind a load of Harley's that I couldn't get past, they ride as one, slowly.

[Gassoon]

Hot seat when left in sun

by frez » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:52 am

Anyone got a favourite solution?

Where I am working now the bike is parked out in the sun all day. Any sunny day (few at the moment) and I'm getting roasted nuts on the way home.

I'm trying paper towels over the seat today.

   

Am I the only one who found every word of this very funny?

Just when you might expect lots of Viz Top Tips joke solutions, instead lots of sensible ones were duly suggested, involving covers, old towels, sheepskins, water etc - thankfully no creams for the roasted nuts!

Class!

[Gassoon]

Re: What have you done to your Strom today?

by ProfG » Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:53 am



Sharpy wrote:Rode to work... found that it STILL seems to be leaking coolant from the overflow tube!.



ProfG said: "Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory!"

   

[Gassoon]

LIDL endoscope

by iansoady » Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:32 pm

Ian only joined in June - but is already talking dirty!

"I've always rather fancied one of these and when I popped into my local shop there they were at £69.99.

Not used it in anger yet but I think will prove very useful when I drop bits in the engine / down behind the fairing etc. The head is less than 10mm diameter so should go in most places.

It does say not to be inserted in human orifices though "

StromGeeza : " So up a sheep's @rse would be OK then? "  

[StromGeeza]

I'm honoured to have made an appearance in the venerable quotes museum, especially with my 500th post!  

I'd like to thank my agent, producer, fans, sponsors ... etc. (Gassoon, the tenner's in the post.   )

[Gassoon]

500th post ! I hadn't noticed that...forget the tenner, you just won the ENDOSCOPE ! Congratulations




Now - how far away from a farm are you, exactly?

[StromGeeza]

Woo-hoo!  

very carefully...>

[Gassoon]

Brockett » Thu Jul 04, 2013 9:44 pm [after controversy about a woman in a shop queue was asked to wait to be served until she'd finished her mobile conversation...]

"Did you see that woman on BBC "Breakfast" this morning ?
She said it's OK to use your phone anywhere anytime. She even said modern women can multi-task e.g. whilst shopping also text, answer email, take phone calls.
I say
Mobile phones should not work in buildings in cars, busses, trains etc.
I'd love it just to watch all them women phone addicts heads explode 'cos they can't text, tweet, Face Book or prattle.
Multi-tasking my arse."

ProfG :

That is total bullshit. I always say if women can multi task, why can't they have headache and sex at the same time?

Fatbelly:

If you watch TV at Breakfast time you can only expect to be upset - what's the matter with you? Televisions should only be used before Tea-time at times of major sporting events or disasters.  

[Gassoon]

Under the topic of 'Fugly bikes' Brackett opines:

Fashion is a man made construct that drives women to buy shoes based on their looks.
The day I worry (or even think about) what my bike looks like will also find my wardrobe full of shoes that I cannot wear.

[Gassoon]

Au revoir tout le monde

by Chris Graves » Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:46 pm

After having our house for sale for almost six years we have finally sold and we are moving to our place in the south of France. We will be in a little village called Pailhès near Beziers in Hérault. Lots of good biking roads and some gentle off roading available through the vineyards.,

Chris is a long-time member of the forum, and offered occasional use of his spare bed to strommers in France...along with plenty of good wishes, jabmotorsport wonders if he could just camp on a patch of grass: Chris says "Thanks for all the good wishes everyone, it gladdens the heart of a grumpy old codger like me.

Josh I haven't got any grass to pitch tents on, visitors will have make do with a bed in a room. Hard core outdoor types can always kip in the open on the concrete back yard. Just thought there is a big piece of grass opposite the cemetery on the edge of the village don't suppose anybody would stop you pitching up there

Ptarmigan suggests "...t'internet is supposedly international so hopefully you'll be able to keep in touch."

Jacko: "Not sure about France though, it's probably banned there."

Juvecu: "Or you have to own a hi-viz reflective keyboard to use it."  

[Gassoon]

In the 'Moaning old bast*rds' thread (whatever) 20th August in the year of Our Lord 2013, Chris Graves (who has recently told us of his forthcoming departure from these shores to live in France), and in the process of lending some support to this neuronally-challenged curator said:
I think that three months to detect the oversight was quite reasonable. I recollect losing the only garage keys for almost six months. it turned out that I'd left them on a bed in one of the spare rooms. They were there from October to Spring time. Fortunately we live in a very low crime area.

Telling Lady G this, has prompted her to remind that I have also still to find two complete sets of keys which are missing without trace. I calculate that I must spend at least the equivalent of one day a month looking keys to cars, bikes, shed, house etc. It was suggested that maybe I should have a nipple pierced and have all my keys permanently attached to me by a very long lanyard.  

To which 2112 said:

It works for me    

 

And Jacko with a terse: "Combination locks."

Chris's fine sexagenarian retort: "In God's name how do you expect me to remember the number of a variety ofcombination locks, it takes me all the time to remember where I live."

 

[Juvecu]

Weeeeee! I made it into the museum  

[Gassoon]

Tusker and Fatbelly: Re: The moaning old git thread

by Fatbelly » Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:25 am

Tusker wrote:
and its not just car drivers once again today I saw a lad on a 50cc scooter with a phone in his left hand texting whilst riding erratically in the gutter at 26 mph

What the fook is up with them  

Don't worry, he'll be eligible for a Darwin award soon.

[Jacko]

In summing up...

...since 2004 the GS has turned into an unreliable, over complicated,over priced Chinese piece of shit ridden by ignorant old farts in twat suits.