The moaning old git thread

[Glider65]

I can kind of understand people using "" in online chat, text messaging and the like where space or effort might be at a premium, but people actually saying "" when they are not laughing is rediculous.

means different things in different contexts:

Laughing Out Loud is common amongst young people.  Lots Of Love when signed by me to my wife. I don't normally have to confirm which translation I'm using.

[Brockett]

The scene - Queens Jubilee, she on a boat on the river and as ever it's raining.
 A Radio Five female voice trying to sound really posh says.

 "The Queen in standing under a cream coloured canape".
Now I alway thought a canape was a topless sandwich, but then I am not a BBC employee.
Silly tart IT'S A CANOPY I shout.
Still.....  it's the only bit I remember.

[Brockett]

And another thing
I am watching BSB on the tv. After the race the commentator gives the results
and some twonk adds background music so deaf old farts like me can't hear what is being said.
Do they not know the sound of race engines IS music enough.
Head of Beeb should be TASERED each time background music is played, for every Db above 40 another notch on the taser.

Also
When I watch Moto GP or BSB on TV the camera close ups show a rider and his machine but lose perspective on the track and other riders so I would like some longer views please.

[rascaltrousers]

Two things that really hack me off!

Firstly is when I hold a door for someone an don't get a thank you. I mean is it really so difficult to be courteous? usuall a I call after them "Don't mention it....Oh you didn't!" Unfortunately most people are so ignorant they just ignore you or so stupid they just look blank.

Secondly, bewing cut up on the road when I'm on the bike, usually by some prick in a big 4x4 or a BMW or audi. It happens particularly if I'm commuting on my 125. I get treated like a second class citizen on the KLV and a 3rd class one on the little bike. I do get my reveng on them often though becuase after a few minutes I cathc them at the next set of traffic lights, sail to the front of the queue and then ride in the middle of the lane just a bit more slowly to hold them all up again  revenge is sweet!

[snowy]

Hi  

Long ago I had a flat screwdriver that fitted all the screws available, nothing came loose and nothing fell off, all was right in the world.

Mr Phillips then invented his pointed screw driver and screws to match.

Does anyone else remember the fun we all had when Japanese motorcycles first arrived and we all mangled up the screw heads because they looked like Phillips, but weren't, we then had to use a dot punch to get them out, saw a slot across the head and put them back in with the flat screwdriver?

I think Allen screws had been around for a long time but a least they were easily identifiable...................
Until metric headed ones appeared,the difference between metric and imperial being unperceptable to the human eye, causing much rounding off and cussing.

Pozidrive came and again there was much rounding off and cussing and another trip to the tool shop.
Why have three different crosspoint screw head systems?

I can't remember the first time I saw Torx screw but I'm sure there was a sharpe intake of breath, an expletive and another trip to the tool shop.

Then Spline bits were called for, very similar to Torx but different. Another trip to the tool shop and more stuff to rummage through in my toolbox which by now is the size of terraced house and has wheels with brakes on!

At work we now get wooden packing cases that the lids are held on with screws that are a "squashed square" shape 'feck knows what they are called (we have our own name for them), no more trips to the tool shop for me they come out with a wrecking bar and a large hammer, they are sent back with nails in!

[Gassoon]

Piglumps said "Magazine issues: Why does the August issue of Bike, Ride, Tractor & Machinery, Dogs & Dogging etc get published on the 3rd of June for Pete's sake?"

Just unsubscribe to those four    

Still on about BBC (oh, I've plenty of other candidates) but have they bought a job-lot of the word 'extraordinary'  ?  Channels 2, 3 and 4 as well as Radios 4 and 5 employ it constantly, evrything and anything is described as 'extraordinary'  ('Vacuum cleaner sucks up budgie - Extraordinary!') Piro's pelanty kick against Engerland - extraordinary!

A book about the history of toilets - EXTRA-bloody-ORDINARY!!

Just a sample from this week so far (except the spoof 'Clash song quote)

If you ever feel the need to identify yourself as middle-class to someone, just drop that word in: its only licensed for use on posh bbc channels. Arghhh  :soap:  :auto-ambulance:    Good night, and don't forget to unplug your TV sets - they could set fire to the curtains during the night.

[macvisual]

I hate riding in the pouring rain!!!!! Rode 130 miles today, about 100 miles of that in extreme heavy bloody rain, Christ it was so wet..... going to take me a day or two to get my DL1000 back to minty ship shape again.

God, I hate rain.....  Bike kit drying over radiators, shite.

Rant over (I think).

[Glider65]

when I did the RBLR 1000 in 2009 the squaddies had a song to deal with this eventuality.  They taught it us on the briefing the night before.

It went like this:
F*%&K Off rain
F*%&K Off rain
F*%&K Off rain
F*%&K F*%&K F*%&K F*%&K

F*%&K F*%&K F*%&K Off rain
Rain - you can just F*%&K right off.

The beauty of it's simplicity was that it could be put to which ever tune you wanted.

As a rain deterrent, it was pants

But it did lift my spirits to know 50 other blokes in the Scottish highlands were singing along.

 

[Keith Cross]

What an extraordinary song <!-- s:) --><!-- s:) -->

One of my beefs is when many or long words are used when simpler English can be used instead.

Keith C

[Fatbelly]

I think we should enter it for a Crystal Mark award from the Plain English Society!

[Abercol]

another for choosing seats that face the stage.

   

[Abercol]

Women only short lists, what are they all about ?

I can't understand how these are legal within the so called equality legislation.

Ahh, the joys of "positive discrimination"....and yes, its not positive, its just discrimination.

[shedchief]

Right.  Here are some of my pet annoyances,  in no particular order:

Why is it that,  when something is assessed as being 'satisfactory', it is considered by the public to be unsatisfactory (damned by faint praise)?

I am also irritated by the pretence that 'raising standards' will result in better outcomes. A standard is a measure of outcome. If you want better outcomes (which is what they mean) then improve the bloody PROCESS!

Similarly,  the annual accusations that teachers are 'merely  teaching to the examination' annoys me because,  if the exam is properly constructed,  it would assess pupils' attainment of course objectives and so would have to reflect the curriculum which the poor teacher has to adhere to anyway! So what's the problem here? Oh,  I know,  let's bash the teech...

Why do sports commentators think that they have to fill all silences with their inane wittering? I do NOT need to be told what I have just seen with my own eyes.

Continuing on this theme (and I'm on a roll now),  who gives a stuff if Ingerlund lost the last three matches they played on a Tuesday?

Oh,  and I totally agree that Positive Discrimination is still discrimination.

Strangely,  I now feel like kicking the cat. Wasn't this thread meant to make us feel better?

Sigh...

[Piglumps]

As a rain deterrent, it was pants

When you say pants do you mean Joe's (Joe Grundys = Undies) or trousers?

[Piglumps]

Piglumps said "Magazine issues: Why does the August issue of Bike, Ride, Tractor & Machinery, Dogs & Dogging etc get published on the 3rd of June for Pete's sake?"

Just unsubscribe to those four    

The first three I have but I don't subscribe to Dogs & Dogging - I read that in a dark car park through a car window...

[snowy]

Hi

To adjust the wee screen you need a crosspoint screwdriver and an Allen key. Why not make them all crosspoint or all Allen key.  

[StromGeeza]

The first three I have but I don't subscribe to Dogs & Dogging - I read that in a dark car park through a car window...[/quote]

Be sure to wipe the window down afterwards...

 

[1monkey1]

Dog walkers
I like animals I really do, I was brought up on a farm. Had loads of the fury buggers, all sizes,all shapes running round everywhere.
But why oh why when you are out for a nice walk in the country, do all dog owners expect you to be made up when their mut, usually covered in mud from nose to tail, makes a beeline to you and either wants to jump all over you, shareing their mud or try to dry hump your leg!!
Plus the bloody dog mess, why do they find it acceptable to shovel the dog doo into a bag tie a knot in the plastic bag then proceed to hang it off the nearest bush (don't remember that in the country code).... I don't know what's worse. Stepping in it or looking at those bloody black bags dangling off the bushes every 50 yards.

Just take your dogs**t home or deposit it in a bin.

aaaaaaaaaaaaahh that feels better!!

[Andy M]

Hi

...... Why not make them all crosspoint or all Allen key.  

Because the Monkey that is trained to put one in takes the same tool and goes to the next position to do up the exhaust bracket or something. The bike then moves down the line to where a second Monkey has been trained in the use of a different tool and hammers in the rest. The Allen key can be torqued to a setting if required (maybe a clutch cover or something) while the Phillips only skids off at a maximum. If you want to blame someone try Henry Ford although in fact he was only copying what they'd done at the Springfield Armoury to allow Americans to kill each other more efficiently and they'd been reading Adam Smith.

The alternative is the IKEA model where they provide the tools, so keep it to a minimum. You don't pay them to assemble it though.

I once worked on an MOD project where they decided the whole vehicle had to be serviced using only five tools. The result was grossly overweight and you can imagine the spares pricing when some squaddie lost an M8 nut with a special head to take a 17mm spanner. They also noted that they'd simply bin the special bits and use parts from the stores, they had the tools anyway. After 6 months and goodness knows how much cash they dropped the idea  

Andy

[Glider65]

I like that!  You have a good idea, you work it through.  You prove it wrong. 

Presumably done with public money. 

I bet there was a NAO report into it, detailing lessons to be learnt. 

Have you ever tried to find all these reports from the NAO about lessons to be learnt?  I wish I could.  I'm sure they are very applicable to organisations with less than 200 staff....