Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes  (Read 178917 times)

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Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1200 on: September 10, 2022, 20:58:36 »
THE THREE UNWRITTEN RULES IN LIFE:
1.
2.
3.
Mick

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Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1201 on: September 10, 2022, 20:59:19 »
I told my mate my new dog only responds to commands in a foreign language.
He said, “Español?”
I replied, “No, he’s a Poodle.”
Mick

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Offline Hugo Magnus

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1202 on: September 10, 2022, 21:35:24 »
Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who stood by the fire and melted?
The interruptions ARE the journey  (Ted Simon)



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Online Joe Rocket

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1203 on: September 11, 2022, 20:06:39 »
When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen the mall.
So how's it going so far then?

Online Rusty Nuts

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1204 on: September 11, 2022, 20:28:36 »
Did you know the full name for a  T-shirt is Tyrannosaurus shirt?
Named due to the short arms.

Offline MartinW

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1205 on: September 13, 2022, 21:56:45 »
Here's another one .....
Tall, Dark and Handsome (In 1987) - Just tall now !!

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Offline MartinW

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1206 on: September 19, 2022, 19:57:10 »
I didn't know F1 had subtitles
Tall, Dark and Handsome (In 1987) - Just tall now !!

Chief Stasi


Offline mr_diver

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1207 on: September 26, 2022, 11:04:52 »
As a little time has passed...



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Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1208 on: September 28, 2022, 19:59:37 »
The Indians on the Aamjiwnaang First Nation reservation in Grand Bend asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. 
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.
When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
 
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the Environment Canada Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
 
 A week later, he called the Environment Canada Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
 
'Yes,' the man at Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the Environment Canada Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
 
 'Absolutely,' the man replied.  'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.'
 
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
 
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood !'
Mick

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Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1209 on: September 28, 2022, 20:05:13 »
I've just got a job as senior director at Old Macdonald's Farm.

I'm the CIEIO
Mick

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Offline Brockett

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1210 on: September 28, 2022, 20:59:46 »
I swallowed a dictionary yesterday and it gave the thesaurus throat I've ever had.
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can. Nothing travels faster than the speed of time.

Offline kwackboy

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1211 on: September 29, 2022, 07:46:08 »
What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ...?

Sister-Matic ...
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Offline Mr Nick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1212 on: September 29, 2022, 12:52:05 »
All flights to and from John Lennon Airport have been cancelled.

Imagine all the people...
Seems pearl asbo orange is faster after all....

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Offline Brockett

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1213 on: September 29, 2022, 18:16:01 »
Back in the stone age the Alphabet had only 25 letters. Noboby knew why.
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can. Nothing travels faster than the speed of time.

Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1214 on: September 29, 2022, 20:05:03 »
What's the difference between a smartly dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire!
Mick

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Offline Mr Nick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1215 on: October 06, 2022, 10:13:13 »
I'm not sure if I can cope much longer with my other half turning vegan: her getting up at 5am to milk the almonds is really affecting my sleep.
Seems pearl asbo orange is faster after all....

'Don't believe all the quotes in forum signatures' - Aristotle

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Orange Bikes Matter!

Offline kwackboy

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1216 on: October 06, 2022, 13:23:49 »
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll ...?

Because Ken came in a different box ..  :grin:
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Offline Landsurfer74

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1217 on: October 06, 2022, 14:38:58 »
British forces Deploy in Afghanistan;
Army, what's your mission ?
Deploy from the helicopter, taking hold of the area, put up our tents.

Marine, what's your mission ?
Deploy from the ship to the helicopter, then to the ground, taking hold of the area, put up our tents.

RAF, what's your mission ?
Well, I’m trying to work out why there’s a tent in my hotel room !!!
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Offline mr_diver

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1218 on: October 07, 2022, 11:57:19 »
One for bigpie



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Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1219 on: October 08, 2022, 18:59:50 »
Today my wife says I'm immature and that we should set aside one day to talk and discuss our future.......
Like that's going to happen in the middle of the conker season!
Mick

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