Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes  (Read 33553 times)

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Online kwackboy

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #400 on: October 30, 2019, 05:56:52 »
 lol

Offline Asmith61

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #401 on: October 30, 2019, 10:00:04 »
 lol

Offline Ticker

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #402 on: October 30, 2019, 19:44:59 »
 lol
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Offline Ambergnat

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #403 on: October 30, 2019, 22:29:06 »
Just to keep the mood mature for Haloween...
It's not paranoia, it's just reality on a finer scale... Strange Days - 1995

To catch a bus - first you must think like a bus  -  Dave - Last year


Offline Brockett

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #404 on: October 31, 2019, 00:24:45 »
These groceries are just gross.
Look at the clock and the calendar.
It'll never be now again.
So just get out and do it.
As fast as you possibly can.
Because .........
Nothing travels faster than the speed of time.

Offline Rusty Nuts

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #405 on: October 31, 2019, 07:32:56 »
Is it classed as incest if you pump kin?
Sent from my Red Army intelligence-gathering Huawei tablet.

Offline Brockett

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #406 on: November 01, 2019, 19:50:21 »
Crabs. Are they addicted to prawnography.
Look at the clock and the calendar.
It'll never be now again.
So just get out and do it.
As fast as you possibly can.
Because .........
Nothing travels faster than the speed of time.

Offline Ticker

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #407 on: November 07, 2019, 18:05:15 »
I was walking to the shop yesterday, when a car pulls up beside me, wound down their window and lobbed a prawn cocktail right at me.......

And that's just for starters!!

When I came out the shop the same car pulls up and flings a block of cheese at me.

I shouted 'THAT'S MATURE!'
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Offline Ticker

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #408 on: November 10, 2019, 09:47:44 »
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Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #409 on: November 10, 2019, 14:26:08 »
One from my 7 year old grand son this morning and I thought he did well getting it in today!

I took him up to the Remembrance Service in the Village this morning. I explained to him that we we're there to remember the soldiers and others who fought and died in the wars.

In the pub, after the service, the lad chirps in,
 "Grandad, will you remember me in two minutes?"
 " Of course Luke, I'll always remember you."
He smiles at me. And I'm thinking "lovely lad".
A few minutes later.........
 "Grandad, knock, knock."
 " Who's there? "
" See, you've forgotten me already! "
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester.

Offline MartinW

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #410 on: November 10, 2019, 14:55:15 »
Do you really think you are a comedian Mick? Well don't give up the day job.

Oh yeah .....  :shy:
Tall, Dark and Handsome (In 1987) - Just tall now !!

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Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #411 on: November 10, 2019, 16:24:20 »
Day job? What's one of them?  :grin:
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester.

Offline Brockett

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #412 on: November 11, 2019, 00:44:16 »
A day job is what a ten minute job was when I was young.  :old:
Look at the clock and the calendar.
It'll never be now again.
So just get out and do it.
As fast as you possibly can.
Because .........
Nothing travels faster than the speed of time.

Online kwackboy

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #413 on: November 11, 2019, 09:32:01 »
Good news for all over weight people out there. Thanks to the new terminology craze being called fat is a thing of the past.

You can now label your as "trans-slender"

Offline nickoff

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #414 on: November 11, 2019, 10:14:10 »
I was giving the missus a good old shag this morning. After ten minutes she says " haven't you finished yet"? I replied " I can't think of anybody".
 I should get my eyesight back when the swelling goes down.

Nick.
I don't drink anymore, unfortunately I don't drink any less either. 😞

Online kwackboy

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #415 on: November 12, 2019, 12:50:42 »
A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli, he was pulled in by a strong current ...

I'll get my coat ...  :groan:

But before I go ... .

I was in the butcher's not long ago and while I was in there I bet him £50 he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

" He said no ... The steaks are too high "

 :icon_wink:

Offline MartinW

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #416 on: November 14, 2019, 20:50:14 »
My friend is half American and half North Korean.

He's his own worst enemy.
Tall, Dark and Handsome (In 1987) - Just tall now !!

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Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #417 on: November 19, 2019, 20:54:03 »
When I tell people I'm a star, they say: "You've got to be kidding."

"No," I say, "I'm Sirius."
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester.

Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #418 on: November 19, 2019, 20:56:14 »
My wife's always on at me, the latest moan was, she told me I have no sense of direction!!

I'd had enough, so I packed my bags and right.
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester.

Offline nickoff

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #419 on: November 19, 2019, 22:51:32 »
I tried some viagra eye drops. Didn't do much for my virility but made me look hard.
I don't drink anymore, unfortunately I don't drink any less either. 😞