The moaning old git thread

[Hugo Magnus]

Mojo Mojo said

 "This is why emergency vehicles (police, ambulance, fire service) are heard in reverse as their sirens are forward facing, meaning that you hear them from quite a distance away as they approach you, but the sound disappears quickly as they move away from you."

So, we need forward facing exhaust pipes 

[Upt North]

Blummin cold, blummin frost, blummin wives demanding defrosted cars so they can go to Jumpy Up and Down Class at Berwick-upon-the-Tweed, blummin cold fingers.
It's only blummin October! It's too early for winter!
Blummin Eck.
I feel better for that.
Upt.

[TLPower]

Tell Mrs Upt that car scraping is a cardio-vascular workout designed by Scientists but kept secret by men.

[Upt North]

Thanks TLP, she just got back,
Ouch, ooh, ouch, could you have a word with Er'Indoors I'm getting nowhere.
Upt.

[StromGeeza]

Scraping frost off car windows is so last decade, according to those who've gone electric...

[endintears]

If you mean electric heated windscreens that's many decades ago 

[Barbel Mick]

Retire, then you don't have to get up until the frost has cleared!! 

[Rusty Nuts]

Breakfast in bed, Mick? Until mid March?

[Barbel Mick]

That would be nice Martin but it won't be frosty every day over winter, I hope!
Besides, I think there's someone who might not let me.   

[Malfos]

When I am walking on country paths, and dog owners have their ( sometimes big and aggressive looking dogs, off lead, and not under control, run up at me / my wife, who is scared of dogs. The dog owners are sometimes 50- 100 yards away, and seem to assume you are happy to have their dog run up to you, bark at you, intimidate you / jump up on you, while they shout " He's only saying Hello, he's soft as my pocket, he won't touch you." ), as their dog sniffs your crotch deposits saliva and snot on your groin area, and  mud,  and / or sh1t on your trousers as it jumps up on you. 
I feel better now getting that off my chest!

[V-Twin]

Why, O why would you want a Wi-Fi Coffee Machine??

[Rusty Nuts]

Because the gobblin' teasmaid has got a day off?

[Upt North]

Malfos, I think you forgot one thing...
"Oh he's never done that before".
Upt.

[Malfos]

True.

[Joe Rocket]

It infuriates me that my neighbour proudly announces that his dog "never does his jobbies on his own land"    True enough it does it in the grass, along the track that passes my house, and no he doesn't collect it so us and all the young-uns who play and ride bikes there have his dog's poo to avoid!

[Froglodyte]

I was in Toulouse some time ago. A dog owner stood in the main entrance to C&A while his dog crapped in the doorway. He then walked off leaving the pile behind.

[Dark-Strom]

Joe, sounds like this dog might identify as le chat 

[Brockett]

I don't like dogs but some dogs are OK. Dogs know this and most dogs don't like me.  Although my friends all like dogs, I am the only one that makes a monthly donation to 'Battersea'. I think I dislike suffering more than I like dogs. 

[Upt North]

You're a good man Brockett.
Yes you are, who's a good boy, you're a good boy, yes you are.
Sorry I got carried away for a minute.
I've never done that before.
Upt.

[Brockett]

Just to even things up here is "Mittens". My wife adopted her when her sister died. Mittens was quite old and very small and by the time the photo was taken she had been deaf and blind for a couple of years. When I visited she would always come to me and put a paw on my leg so I would pick her up and she would straight away lay on me and go to sleep. My wife thought Mittens could feel the vibration of my voice through the floor and sensed I was in the room and of course I only ever sat on one chair. For Mittens in her dark and silent world happiness was a warm human. (so she waited for me to visit)