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Other Stuff => The Blue Oyster bar => Humour => Topic started by: 1monkey1 on April 08, 2013, 21:12:12
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Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?'
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God pointed downwards through the clouds.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'
'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth.
'For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor, the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot.
And, over there I've placed a continent of white people while over there is a continent of black people.'
God continued, pointing to the different countries.
'This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, 'What's that?'
'Ah,' said God. 'That's the North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North West alone and many impressive cities.
It is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians.
The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world.
They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth.'
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!'
God replied very wisely, 'Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down South
Only joking our southern friends :grin:
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:clap:
lol
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I have never understood. Why do people who live in the central part of England call it "the north"?
Don't they have maps or schools? What do they call the bit North of that?
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I have never understood. Why do people who live in the central part of England call it "the north"?
Don't they have maps or schools? What do they call the bit North of that?
IN my school we were told it was Scotland!
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lol lol lol
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The "Far North" :shrug:
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Maybe Lancashire and Cumbria should just become part of Scotland then?
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I suppose the North South divide has to be drawn somewhere !!
Just like the question of how far can a rabbit run into a wood ????
Halfway,,, then its running out again.. One of our more learned posters may be able to tell us where the line should be drawn. I'm guessing at a few miles south of the M62 :grin:
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I thought "The North" was everywhere outside the M25.:grin:
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I thought "The North" was everywhere outside the M25.:grin:
What, even the "south" :sarc:
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Looks like anywhere up the A1 from London is the "North"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A1_road_in_London (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A1_road_in_London)
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My boss, who is in a place called Saff London, thinks North is anywhere "North of the river". I have never had the heart to tell him there is more than one river.
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Swindon is the centre of the universe .....
(I don't actually believe that, I'm just prolonging the discussion!)
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Actually, Swindon is the centre of several Universes, all at once!
(http://www.gazetteandherald.co.uk/resources/images/738400.jpg?type=articleLandscape)
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I used to work out of Preston for a while and my favourite wind-up was to get the Manchester dwellers to bite about being Northern. " How can you be Northern when you're three hours drive from my house ". Used to get a bite everytime, especially when I started calling them 'West Midlanders' lol
P.S. Haltwhistle claims to be the geographic centre of Britain.
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We used to say "its no life South of Watford"
I've no idea who first coined the phrase or why
:shrug:
But it must be true lol
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'North' and 'northern England' is more a state of mind. It's wherever the conditions that 1monkey1 described, actually apply! :grin:
Maybe Lancashire and Cumbria should just become part of Scotland then?
Maybe we should apply, Fatbelly, or are you lads camping ootside the city walls again? Cost us a fortune last time :GRR:
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(http://tasaclips.com/illustrations/Evidence_from_rock.jpg)
About Watfordish ... geologically.
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anything north of the river Thames is "up north" is it not.........that also means all them in that Westminster Palace place called house of "commons" and lords.... :violin:
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I thought "The North" was everywhere outside the M25.:grin:
You got that wrong
Everywhere outside the M25 is " the wilderness".