The Quotes Museum

[Gassoon]

Two pithy, practical views of one of the great, ineffable mysteries ...

Re: A Germans View on Islam thread

by 2112 » Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:32 am


Reksut wrote: "religion is a sack of shite"


2112 :"That's as maybe - BUT it is worth a few bank holidays every year   "

It's hard to believe those two lads failed Jesuit College!



[btw - MartinW, it was a test, glad to see you men are paying attention! cough...]

[Gassoon]

On the sad passing of Mr Gerry Anderson...

2112 wrote:Yes, the end of an era indeed. I was a big Stingray and Thunderbirds fan as a child but I couldn't get away with Joe 90 ?

Gassoon said: "Funny, same with me, couldn't get into Joe90...

My wife had a crush on Scott Tracey when she was a kid    Weird eh? Given that he was a puppet, and all...

Weirder still - I'm still jealous of him!"

Fatbelly : "Funny you should say that, I liked Stingray a lot and I loved Thunderbirds, but I thought Joe 90 was a dick - at our school we would have kicked the shit out of him... ".......Exactly!

[Gassoon]

Mysterious shrinkings...

Sofa complains: "This constant damp weather really is affecting all sorts of stuff. It is even getting into our house.
So much so that having not ridden since before Christmas when I went out to test the new screen today had real difficulty getting my bike gear on.
It must have shrunk due to the damp atmosphere in the house over the festive season.
I can't think of any other reason my gear seemed so tight!!   "

Keith Cross: "Doubt if its damp, prob those dam fat fairies and their clothes shrinking fat fairy dust "

Stibbs: "How spooky, that's the same problem I'm having. Damn climate change! "

[Gassoon]

A new logo for stickers etc designed by Rikat originally, and modified by Jeff999 is voted upon early in January 2013.

VstromforVendetta is a site member who joined late in 2011, did not introduce him/herself (in the spirit of the original comic-book character, remaining as anonymous as possible!) or post anything until 'he' expressed a preference for one design. And posted, simply:


"8"


   

[Gassoon]

Spotted this a bit late, but still a classic, from Oily Rag, 'Changing your own tyres' thread:

Chrisread says: "Its easier than you think to swap tyres, when George and I rode through the America's we swapped all our own tyres, at the roadside mainly.
We used the side stand of the other bike to break the bead but if you don't have another bike handy you can use a length of wood like this
You really don't need such a large piece of wood, I have a piece that will fit into my rucksack, also better to have a point on the smaller piece pushing on the bead.... works a treat.
Then two tyre levers to remove the tyre. Shampoo, shower gel of fairy [sic: ooh! Is that magic?] is perfect for fitting the new tyre on with and to seat the bead without a large compressor is the easiest part, just spray some deodrant into the tyre, srpay a line up the side wall and light with lighter. boom, tyre seated. Then pump to pressure with what ever pump you have, we used a 12v one, tiny thing but easier that a bike pump!

So all you need is;
piece of wood
2 Tyre levers (or 1 lever and screwdriver)
lube or some sort
something explosive, deodrant is ideal
pump

takes 10 minutes.

As for balancing, well we never bothered and still have never had them balanced and they still don't need it.

Hope this helps

Chris

This I will try someday...and I bet a lot of us feel that way, too!

[Gassoon]

Ahem, haven't opened the museum for over a week now, I'm blaming the weather. Anyway, all in order, no frozen pipes or owt, but did find the dessicated body of an old woman who must have been trapped in the loos last time we opened...
Why can't old people use mobile phones?
Anyway all sorted now, though I need to buy a new rug, and the lad at the tip will take my spare winter gloves...

So museum open again, and if anybody sees classic quotes post 'em up!

[StromGeeza]

From our venerable curator...

"Facebook. It's like inviting everyone who's been on 'Jeremy Kyle' into your home for an argument...; ) "

[Gassoon]

In the 'BMW Adventure Maintenenance Course?' thread, is Andy M's excellent (imho) afterthought on prep for riding abroad...

"One bit of touring prep I would do to any bike is bin any electronic alarm or immobiliser, they are the biggest cause of pedestrianism. If they are hard wired in it's best to get 'em off ASAP so the patched up loom has chance to fail somewhere less inconvienient."

[Gassoon]

JHGlee said: "This poor bike was left out in the snow over the weekend....Brrr!"



Ptarmigan suggested: "If it's one those Chinese Jing-a-ling 125s when the snow melts there may not be that much of it left.   "

[Gassoon]

Andy M has this to say on the merits of camping over hotelling:

Re: Tents and Camping bling

by Andy M » Sun Jan 27, 2013 4:55 pm

"The best places have no hotels. They are the best places because they have no hotels.

I bet you've never had wolves howling at each other across a hotel room or woken up to find every stone within miles had a fossil in it? Sat up until 3am working out your position by the stars just because they are all visible?

Breakfast tends to be better too, can't do with all that bread rolls that double as cannon shot and powdered coffee rubbish, tea and something fried or at least boiled is required."

[SnowStrom]

Can I submit this, from the 'What have you done to your Strom today?' thread?

I did it as I put mine away in my man-shed, conveniently I took the weight on my thighs whilst my not insignificant arse was wedged against my push bike which was wedged against the shed wall behind me. Inconveniently the pedal of said pushbike was slowly but surely gaining entry to my colon as the Strom pushed me lower and lower..

[MartinW]

 

[Gassoon]

Bliddy hell ! what's that he's writing aboot?.......50 Shades of Strom ?  




  for those images, mind, snowstrom - I'd been lucky enough to miss the original post  

Spooky Edit: just looked at original post, and loggamat had made the same joke about 50 shades...

[mjc506]

Another gem from Strommer regarding salt killing chains:

Don't have that problem - my Scottoiler is turned to "Anti-Tailgate mode..."

That inspires me to somehow add a button to mine labeled 'oil slick'

[loggamatt]

Spooky Edit: just looked at original post, and loggamat had made the same joke about 50 shades...

I just thought my joke had 'gone viral' as the kids say!  

[Gassoon]

Beautifully damned with faint praise!

On the 'New GS' thread, the discussion turned invariably to the failings of the newer Beemers.

Oldie said this :

My GS is a piece of shit, but I love it enough to spend most of my waking hours fixing it.

Give me, say, 6 months and it will be a work of art

Great as a fourth bike though

 

[Gassoon]

On the meaty subject of horse dna being found in beefburgers around the UK recently.

Greggio wrote: "Just eat horse for f#€ksake what is wrong with you people if there was a global meltdown in civilisation you'd be glad for a rat never mind a horse I'm sorry if this upsets anyone but if I go to Burger King and it tastes shit then I'm asking for horse back but on a serious note I can understand this affecting the lesser humans with queezy tummies..."


2112 said : "A bit harsh, but fair point.

I remember watching the disaster film 'Alive' where the plane crashed in the Andies and the survivors had to eat the dead to stay alive. I almost had the leg off a stewardess when we were delayed on the runway for 40 minutes at Fuerteventura one year...

[Gassoon]

Re: never thought about this thread by fishy

skipper wrote:"I had to use blindspot mirrors on a left prostitute van I had, some are better than others but very good when you get used to the lack of distance perception".


Ptarmigan said: The Americanism filter strikes again!

I still don't exactly know what happened, but it is funny

(answers on a postcard!)

I read it as some prostitutes are better than others, but when you have poor vision they all...No, that's not right...All prostitutes are good if you can't see them from a distance...NA! I give up!    

[mjc506]

In response to p1lts' thoughts about buying a Tiger...

Keep your Strom, spend your money on beer and loose women!  


Edit: just noticed your location.......buy the Tiger!  

[Gassoon]

Cheers for adding that, mjc! (But could you edit it to include the location!)

I find that I haven't been getting on the forum as often in recent weeks (damned responsibilities!) so memo to all who spot something that cracks you up, or strikes you as wise or wry, or otherwise memorable - stick it in the museum!

Also, perhaps I tend to include stuff from particular people that I find funny/interesting, so we end up with the owd 'gatekeeper' effect...more contributors would be good from that angle (still has to be a bit special to go in the museum, of course! )