Suzuki V-Strom (VStrom) Owners Club DL250, DL650, DL1000 & DL1050
Other Stuff => The Blue Oyster bar => Topic started by: wurzel on August 07, 2018, 10:56:59
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My turn to moan... :dance:
I suffer with crohns from time to time, now is one if those times, and have to have a camera up me chuff periodicaly, today was my day, I feel like they used a box brownie on a scaffold pole!
They stuffed it up so far it would have come out my left ear had it not got the hospital attatched to the end of it!
End of rant now..... :groan:
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Eeugh!! That's pretty close to over-sharing.
Unsettling visual picture of tripod disappearing in a bizarre reverse Vicky Leyton Eiffel Tower moment..
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lol lol
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Just to recap here.
You're not on top form Wurzel, so you invite someone to go potholing using your sherriff's badge as access? :icon_exclaim:
It was my 55th birthday "present" from our local health authority, they didn't find anything up there apart from Italian metric nuts and bolts with Cagiva stamped on them.
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Alphabetti Spahetti, TLP?
lol
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lol lol
Thank you for the kind and consoling responses,bloody heathens,at the moment if they invite me for another exploration I'm liable to let them know I can't be arsed.... lol
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@Joe Rocket, for all the use they are at securing things I thought I may as well stick 'em up there...
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@ wurzel I know whwt you mean I'm there on Sunday, I've also got to have a camera down my throat, hope they don't use the same camera. :shock:
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It's the one they used to use on Granstand for the horse racing. Its still fastened to the roof of a Citroen Ds Safari as well... :icon_no:
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:icon_no:
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@ wurzel, I had the same procedure a couple of weeks ago. I must say in fairness to the NHS I found it not too unpleasant (in a surgical sort of way before anyone starts)!! The only really uncomfortable part was when the surgeon kept pumping the air in!
Certainly not a good way to spend an hour or so but at least I've been checked & all OK! :thumb:
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It's always nice to know you are not alone......... :whistle:
It is rare that you get to know how an inflated balloon feels though. :occasion-balloons:
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Spare a thought for the medical staff... you only have 1 to deal with... they on the other hand :-x :-x
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... they on the other hand
What, they do two at a time? That's not very private. :shock:
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It works out cheaper by the dozen. :thumb:
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Other hand ? That'd be the weirdest ventriloquist act in town.
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It was the air they pump in that was most unpleasant, I thought it was going to end up with pop goes the wurzel..... lol
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lol lol
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This thread has definitely gone more to the crazy side. I feel sorry for you Wurzel, but damn you are funny! lol
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Can we move the last 15 or so posts to a humour thread called pop goes the Wurzel.
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Are you feeling a bit deflated now Wurzel.
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Indeed Graham, I was making overtures to one of the nurses, but I got blown out at the last minute...
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Can we move the last 15 or so posts to a humour thread called pop goes the Wurzel.
What a fine idea Mr Diver. An entire thread for Quotes Museum
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I worked for one of the companies that invented and developed THESE (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capsule_endoscopy).
The only problem was that nobody wanted to deal with any Customer Returns.
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lol
Is it right that, upon reading this thread, I feel a bit left-out having never even been offered , never mind been through the procedure?
Or the procedure been through me, come to think of it.
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Gas soon, with a name like that it sounds like whistful thinking... lol
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I'm never getting old now!
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
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Me either. It just seems like the NHS use it as an excuse to inflate their patients. Scary.
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The very thought of it is enough to put the wind up anyone.
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As averse as I am to being even slightly serious and possibly ruining this thread, I feel I must thank Wurzel for inadvertanty starting us off.
As a gender we are capable of burying our heads in the sand (or up our own arses) when it comes to medical stuff let alone dealing with stuff "down there".
If you are reading this and feeling slightly uneasy about the subject matter, don't. As unpleasant as the procedure is that is all it is, a procedure. A life long friend of mine with no symptoms whatsoever went for the old camera routine as part of the "getting on a bit" check up. They found some growths, did the usual checks and the results came back as cancerous. That was 14 months ago, he's had the treatment and the indications are that it was caught in time.
Just.
My older Brother in Law is rather old school. He's not going even though he's had the invite for 5 years, chances are he's fine, but for the sake of a couple of hours and a few minutes of discomfort he's adamant he'll take his chances.
Sermon over, I'm sorry for preaching but please, please have yourselves checked out.
@Graham62 please take a kazoo and a 'phone set to record with you on Sunday, ask them nicely to stick the kazoo up there when they pull the pipe and camera combo out. I did and the resulting cacophony was reminicent of a CR500 on the pipe. :thumb:
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Martin W, I presume the reason that hospitals are still using these massive cameras (as opposed to the capsules) is one of cost?
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Cost is one of two reasons Andy.
The other is that surgeons don't want to change too quickly and want to see a million trials before they will switch. I can understand their reticence.
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TLP, bang on right, if they find a polyp they just snip it off, thet can be the start of something nasty if left, any change jn bowel movements that last more than a week or do, ditto blood or black stools, nip it in the bud as it were...
My misses says I'm a square peg in a round hole, I told her thatshow the camera was too... lol
Its good to have a laugh and maybe learn along the way, the chuff camera is not too bad, and only lasts an hour at the most.
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Given that you are all a bunch of capable fettlers you might want to try some home care?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0721M9VML/ref=sxnav_sxwds-bovbp-p_lm_l_1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_p=0072b939-78ce-4a08-8806-5b1827e9abb8&pd_rd_wg=yBZpC&pf_rd_r=A5YNAVV30192PF9QWQPB&pf_rd_s=desktop-sx-nav&pf_rd_t=301&pd_rd_i=B0721M9VML&pd_rd_w=yqJAF&pf_rd_i=endoscope+camera&pd_rd_r=9b52ccd2-b9bb-4e50-be01-e36971116d62&ie=UTF8&qid=1533738978&sr=1
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Cheers Ridaz, I bought one of those, f*ckin' useless it was, no contrast, no clarity, may as well stick it up....
Oh wait.
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Got to agree with TLP on his earlier comments. Got four mates now (all just turned 60) that have had or having treatment for Prostate cancer, in fact just met an old work mate today who has just had his removed, and none of them were experiencing any real symptoms, but had 'mentioned something' to the doctor while there on for a different reason. Get checked when you can gents!!
Back to the procedure.......it's the casual attitude (in my case anyway) all the staff had from the second I walked into the hospital. They deal with lots of folk day in day out so it's just another arsehole to them. In fact, I was so relaxed as the Surgeon was chatting and casually said I'm just going to insert my finger Mr. Barnes I said "Thank you"!! Not sure what he or the nurses thought. :shy:
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I was amazed when I had my knees in ears, barely being able to hear, but I did hear.
"Just relax"
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@Ridaz that's taking DIY a bit to far. :icon_no:
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I had a camera up my nose last week, it was smaller than a drinking straw. If the technology exists to stick a camera up a nostril, how come they don't use the same one for the arse? Obviously it'll need a bit o a wipe before switching entrances
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Point of order, Mr. Chairman. It's an exit, not an entrance. Unless that's just me being a bit old-fashioned in that sort of thing.
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Is that because of all that Columbian marching powder from your self employed nose Bigpie?
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Just to enforce (French verb 'enfoncer' came to mind there) TLP's earlier message about getting checked out. I had problems in my thirties, hence my 'experience' at that time (in the 80's). You're never too young to get investigated and I'm glad I did then. :icon_wink:
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I have another rather unfortunate incident to relate,well a few actually, so next instalment of pop goes the wurzel will be related in these hallowed vaults asap...this next kne will contradict the exit theory.....
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:eusa-doh:
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:eusa-doh: :eusa-doh: :eusa-doh:
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:eusa-doh:
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:eusa-doh:
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Bearing up under the strain here............. lol
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:eusa-doh:
Good job I did separate this thread out as we would have forgotten what the original thread was for by now.
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I've just read this entire thread and although the subject is serious I've found it totally hilarious. lol
Well done Wurzel for raising the subject in such a manner that makes it easy to chat about. :clap:
It sounds like I'm one of the younger members on here but will eventually get checked out as my step father has recently gone through the same.
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(https://I.pinimg.com/474x/7a/67/78/7a67786fb1af74b9716c7ac2f06884b2.jpg)
This your X-ray Wurzel?
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You young 'uns don't know what Your missing. Try a barium enema. They fasted me for four days with literally nothing but mugs of Marmite, then stuffed my nether orifice and beyond full of radioactive porridge to get x rays. Loads o' fun. Didn't even get a set of prints off 'em.
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Was that your initiation into the CBX 1000 chapter Rusty? I only had to eat an out of date chocolate eclair to join the Cagiva Brotherhood of Imminent doom. :)
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So......do you like Marmite then RN and was it a revalent ingredient to your interieur. I suspect Bovril was used instead. :roll:
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I was riding through France a while back, on my trusty cb750 sohc, got hit in the face by what I thought was a stone...how wrong I was..face and neck swelled massively, anaphylactic shock, so in hospital the basicaly gave me a jab, and a bottle of pills.
The french nurse gave me a little chat but the only bit I understood was deux one jour, two a day.
Well, on unscrewing the bottle cap to swallow my first tablet I wished they had been half the size and quatre one jour...they were as big as my thumb!
Fast forward a month, back home, a bill turned up for the treatment, my sister, being fluent in french,and a nurse too, translated it, and remarked, 'I bet you had fun with those pills'
My beligerent responce about it being a nightmare getting them down my neck...
Then she told me.......' swallow them?!? Your meant to stick them up your arse!!!'
A french preference I now believe,and so dear friends, both an exit and entry to all intent and purpose... lol
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@tlp unfortunately not, self employment has left me with lower income but I'm getting to spend more time with the kids and do the school runs. Can't really put a price on that but it does mean I've had to knock the marching powder on the head.
I've had laringitis for last couple of months, so it was camera up the nose while my 6 year old observed. Though I'm starting to wonder if they don't like the look of me, I've not once been offered the anal photography package. They've only taken photos of the back of my eye and my vocal chords.
@wurzel, I'll make a note of that. When in France pills go up the arse.
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.......and supositories are still prescribed or you can ask for them from a pharmacy......
bummer...eh?
@ ridaz, that's a donkey's x-ray, don't fool yourself. lol
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Marmite, according to the hospital staff, provided sufficient nutrition with zero solids. That plus the sort of tablets you'd love to pop in the gaffer's tea, ensured a completely empty system. Fill it with barium sludge and you get perfect 3d images of said system. They used air first to inflate. I was so weak I passed out in the car on the way home, much to my mrs' amusement.
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Been there, done that, twice. They found a polyp the first time, nothing on the 5 year follow-up (phew).
The camera bit was tolerable, the CO2 inflation painful, but the stuff you drink the day before....holy sh*t doesn’t even come close, felt like a jet engine firing up!
Seriously though, if you are invited for a bowel exam, go and have it. If I hadn’t and the polyp was left to keep growing, I hate to think what might have happened.
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Those polyps can,if left become nefarious,its good to get checked as we get older, for prostrate too, awareness is also defence.
Women get smear tests, which is great,we need to pushfor the man version,rather than wait for symptoms if we are to have a good end result.
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Haven't had the joy of the anal probing, but have had the full on deep throat experience.
I came back from holiday a few years back with horrendous chest discomfort: thankfully only acid reflux. Had to get the camera down the neck so off to out patients one fine morning. First decision: sedation or throat spray? Sedation meant longer there so I'll have the spray please.
Off to a room and they sprayed the most disgusting tasting stuff in my mouth: avoided the vomit reaction so far. Next step: down on the bed lying on my side and they start feeding a firehose in. After a minute, they realise the camera's on the blink and need to swap it over for a new one: now wait a while before we go back to the start of the firehose eating contest, only now the throat spray isn't quite so effective. Then came the inflate the stomach joy with the accompanying involuntary belching and horrendous gagging. All the time, there's only a blank wall to look at: nothing to try distracting myself with. Couldn't even see the Nurses, who were reasonably interesting if I recall correctly, not that I felt I was showing my best side during our time together.
I have no concept of how long the whole affair took, but it seemed an eternity. On the way out, I saw the lucky ones who'd been sedated being wheeled back into the recovery room with no recollection of the event at all - if there's a next time, knock me out please Nurse!
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My mate Pep went to see his GP and said he had an itchy bum. On examining him the GP removed £1995 in various notes. "Well..", said Pep, "I knew I didn't feel two grand.".
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lol lol
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lol :clap: Brockett.
@Bigpie you are no where near old enough to be offered the expirience package. It's similar to remembering the 1st time you got drunk, your 1st visit to a pub legally, the 1st time you nailed a particular series of bends. It's a rite of passage. Right up your back passage.
@Mr Nick, the 1st time I went for the downwards version, I like you was conscious of the time element and rejected the sedation. It was without doubt the most unpleasant expirience of my life and I've had a couple of root canals done. That procedure showed stomach ulcers no doubt caused by my job at the time, hence my missplaced desire to get it done quickly. I started a course of medication and 3 months later I was called back for a followup. I natuarally opted for sedation, it turns out it was rohypnol. At the time I was coherent, I was aware of the discomfort but honestly I have no recollection of pain involved with the 1st one. Mrs Power drove us home, apparently I insisted on asking the same questions over and over again regarding the procedure, I had no idea what I'd been doing or where I was. To shut me up Mrs P turned on the radio just as Pop Master was starting, I scored 24 on the 1st round and 36 on the 2nd.
Apparently.
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+1 for sedation with the throat cam. It's wonderful stuff. Thankfully I was also an inpatient so was trollied back to the ward in a haze. Joy!
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Thanks for that TLP like I sad I've also got to have the throat camera done as well on sunday. Two for one. :thumb:
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I opted for sedation for the downwards probe, had a nice comfy relax on a gurney. There was some doubt as to whether the procedure could go ahead, and I must have dozed off. When I awoke in a waiting room with other people present I looked at my wife and asked 'Did they change their minds, then?' At which every fecker in the room started laughing at me.
Of course, it had been done, I'd been asleep and snoring for an hour.
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Had this done a few years ago, I told my Wife it felt like they had the film crew with full lighting in there , very unpleasant.
Wurzel shouldn't you have posted this topic under the oil/lubrication header lol
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lol
Or rear end woes.... :shock:
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Two for one. :thumb:
Two for one??? Both ends at the same time...!?!? :shock:
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Lifting my carrots today,noticed a few of them felt like I did after my camera....
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lol
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I know what you meet Wurzel, I've been for mine today along with the gastroscopy, with having both I opted for the sedation thinking that it would put me to sleep :dl_ninite: [how wrong was I]. It was just enough to make it more bearable so they said :icon_no: They chose to do the colon first saying that if they found something there they wouldn't need to do the gastro, :icon_exclaim: so lay on my left knees bent like your sitting on an invisible chair and away we go, this is the second time I've had this done so I knew what to expect [or so I thourght]. This time I think he was using the the hose from the petrol station next to the hospital and pumping me full of super unleaded. Then onto my back and here we go again, then onto my front and onto my left just for good measure :text-woo:. Then it was time for the gastroscopy. Some throat spray And I was relieved to hear the nurses say that they thought it was only right to change the endoscope, the gastroscopy wasn't as bad as I expected even with them taking some biopsy's. The sedation did work as I fell to sleep in the recovery room. I was sent home with a load of paper work and some lovely pictures.
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Sounds like you had a joyous time Graham!
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Did they give you sticker Graham? They gave me a sticker. A big brave boy sticker only for big brave boys.
I'm pleased you didn't find it too unpleasant. :thumb:
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+1 for sedation with the throat cam. It's wonderful stuff. Thankfully I was also an inpatient so was trollied back to the ward in a haze. Joy!
aye, OK if they give you enough. first time no bother. second time not enough sedation leading to severe gagging (just relax). couldn't swallow properly for over a month.
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That was nearly too much info Graham62........... :shock:
I'm sure you came home with lots of paperwork too! Better to just roll it up first though and not cut it up into squares and pin a wadge to the wall.......... :whistle:
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Can't compete with those of you who've had things inserted into orifices, but I did have an ultrasound scan today........ an NHS screening test for Abdominal Aortic Aneurysms. All fine, but a bit disappointed I didn't get a printout to scare my kids with :grin:
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Pleased to hear it all came back fine, always worth getting checked out.
Unfortunately that does jot qualify you for the intrusive camera club.
Sounds like a bunch of long lens paparazzi ... lol
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Look at me, I'm a member of a select club dedicated to to the concealment of cameras.
They said at school that I'd never achieve anything in life.
My arse.
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I don't think they had that in mind, TLP. Or at least I hope they didn't!
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This thread leaves me so happy to still be 49.
Unfortunately they will be typing my invite sòon.
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MartinW I was 48 when I had my first one. :dl_hyperhysteria:
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Yeah. But you paid extra for it ....
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Don't tell them all. :violence-smack:
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lol lol