Author Topic: Veet for men  (Read 1598 times)

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Offline mr_diver

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Veet for men
« on: May 22, 2021, 20:00:43 »
I had tears rolling! 😂
THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK

AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn' have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn'nt managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.
I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn'nt heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasent the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.



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Offline MartinW

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2021, 20:13:42 »
Gay snowman lol
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Offline DesertStrom

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2021, 20:14:03 »
 lol lol lol

Offline Keith60

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2021, 20:17:37 »
 lol lol lol
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Offline Steve T

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2021, 08:40:21 »
Toast now soggy with tears of laughter soaking into it  :thumb:
A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend

Offline Asmith61

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2021, 16:26:52 »
 lol lol lol lol

Offline Brockett

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2021, 16:41:22 »
I really can't see this a being even slightly funny. If it's right to laugh at someone who made a poor decision and endured a deal of pain then next thing ..... folk will laugh at any biker who chucks himself at the scenery.
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can.

Offline tallpaul

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2021, 18:55:51 »
I've seen this quite some time ago Brockett. I think it is not entirely true as there are several reviews where people want to think they are comedy script writers and try to out-do each other. I find it hilariously funny, but I suspect It's also greatly exaggerated.
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

Offline Gassoon

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2021, 19:16:25 »
 lol lol
"I am a dignified citizen of the area, not a fox-faced vagabond in an over-fancy hat!"

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Offline Brockett

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2021, 09:43:29 »
I assumed it was a made up like much else on social media.
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can.

Offline Rusty Nuts

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2021, 13:05:29 »
There are some very funny fake reviews on Amazon.

Offline mr_diver

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2021, 13:18:09 »
I've tried finding one that was titled...
"Do not put on cock and bollcks"

He applied it in a porta loo while working on a building site, running through and falling in a slab of freshly laid concrete, coming out like the ubomidable concrete monster, breaking a leg and ending up jumping in the water tank.

It was far better than I make out.



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Online TLPower

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2021, 06:03:04 »
Not Veet related but the liquid was applied in "area".

In the late 1970's I was an apprentice vehicle technician (when technicians were a cut above mere fitters).

One of our group at Granville College (he worked at Guilders in Sheffield) didn't show up one day, he did appear the following day walking rather oddly (even for the 70's) after much concern and offers of support he admitted that whilst "zipping up" he caught his foreskin in the zip and jammed it. He eventually managed to remove his now mangled "part" and immediately worried about an infection.

He non too wisely chose surgical spirit as the substance of choice. 
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Offline Keith60

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #13 on: May 25, 2021, 08:30:29 »
Ouch!!!   :icon_no:
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Offline mr_diver

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #14 on: May 25, 2021, 19:00:59 »
I poured iodine on the foot of a lad in work where he cut it on rock when surfing...

He nearly jumped hopped through the roof.

And that was the right stuff to use.  lol



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Offline Ambergnat

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Re: Veet for men
« Reply #15 on: June 28, 2021, 00:08:04 »
 lol lol lol  god I can't breathe! - that was hilarious! 
I don't care if it was fake, it ticks all the right boxes and I'm going to steal it shamelessly as I think a couple of colleagues at work will find it funny too :)

(though I'll admit, projectile farting semi frozen sprouts at your wife's leg does seem a bit of a stretch and reminds me of that story with the two gay blokes and Daggit the gerbil)
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