Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes  (Read 136504 times)

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Offline John

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2014, 21:57:57 »
MUST BE READ IN NORN IRISH ACCENT

Two ducks on a pond in Ireland
One duck says "Quack"
The other says
"I'm going as quack as I can"
It's better to regret something you've done, than something you haven't done.

Offline Rusty Nuts

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2014, 21:59:34 »
What does a Blackpool donkey get for its dinner?















About fifteen minutes.

Offline Retraite

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #22 on: August 10, 2014, 07:34:48 »
"Autocorrect is my greatest enema."

Offline Rochdale Hornet

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #23 on: August 10, 2014, 11:14:18 »
A mate of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli, a strong currant pulled him in...

Offline Rusty Nuts

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #24 on: August 10, 2014, 15:07:50 »
In the optician's window ( again )

"If you can't see what you're looking for  you've come to the right place."

Offline Tusker

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #25 on: August 10, 2014, 17:37:52 »
a lad goes into a chippie says "can I have chips and a steak and kidd el eye pudding"  "you mean steak and kidney" says the fryer  "that's what I said Diddle eye"  says the lad...


Same lad a week later goes into chippie at closing time " have you got plenty chips left?"  "yes" says the fryer, "how many do you want?"  "None said the lad, looks like you cooked too many"

Offline medic5

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #26 on: August 10, 2014, 20:11:10 »
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one
called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a
shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin
turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being
eaten by his old mate.

Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away
whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious
fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be
changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail (the punch line does not involve a prawn
cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's
abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on
the door and shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've
changed........."


(You're going to love
this.....)


"I've found Cod and I'm a Prawn again Christian."

Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2014, 20:16:11 »
That beats all. Please can a mod lock this thread now...PLEASE!
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

Offline medic5

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2014, 20:18:02 »
Paramedics attend a nasty accident, involving a sports car,

When they see the driver, screaming in pain, they tell him to calm down, as at least he wasn't flung thro the windscrean like his girlfriend.

He screams back..

"Have you seen what's in her mouth?"

Offline Mick_P

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #29 on: August 10, 2014, 20:57:53 »
Quote from: "medic5"
"I've found Cod and I'm a Prawn again Christian."
That is an absolute classic. Very well done!
Blue AN400, Connie III
Proud Yorkshire/Welshman
Don't follow me, I'm usually lost.....
Caution, ABBA fan!

Offline BritGit

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #30 on: August 31, 2014, 10:25:51 »
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?

'Here come the elephants.'

Offline Mick_P

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #31 on: September 02, 2014, 09:00:57 »
What do you call a man with no arms or legs swimming?

Bob.
Blue AN400, Connie III
Proud Yorkshire/Welshman
Don't follow me, I'm usually lost.....
Caution, ABBA fan!

Offline BritGit

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #32 on: September 21, 2014, 11:33:37 »
What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Offline StromGeeza

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #33 on: September 21, 2014, 20:50:42 »
Quote from: "Mick_P"
What do you call a man with no arms or legs swimming?

Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who has just swum the Channel?



Clever Dick.

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #34 on: September 21, 2014, 21:15:38 »
God told Daniel, 'Come forth and win eternal life'.

Well he came 5th and won a toaster instead

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #35 on: December 24, 2014, 16:01:15 »
Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?  

A. Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #36 on: December 24, 2014, 16:02:20 »
Q. Why did the Irisman refuse to be a Jehovas Witness?

A. Because he didn't see the accident ...

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #37 on: December 24, 2014, 16:05:51 »
Q. Where is an elephants sex organ?

A. In his feet. If he steps on you, you're fooked!

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #38 on: December 24, 2014, 16:08:59 »
Q. Why does Samantha always get on top?

A. Because David can only feck up.

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #39 on: December 24, 2014, 16:14:18 »
Q. Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A?

A. Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.