Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes  (Read 134395 times)

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Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #40 on: December 24, 2014, 16:21:18 »
Prof, please put the crackers back in the box until tomorrow... lol
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #41 on: December 26, 2014, 13:00:55 »
Crackers have been opened so here goes:

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #42 on: December 26, 2014, 13:01:55 »
Why do vampires believe everything you tell them?

Because they're suckers!

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #43 on: December 26, 2014, 13:03:11 »
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?

A nervous wreck.

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #44 on: December 26, 2014, 13:04:12 »
Q) What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

A) If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #45 on: December 26, 2014, 13:06:30 »
Q) What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A)  Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!

Offline jabmotorsport

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #46 on: December 29, 2014, 19:16:25 »
What do you call a man with a number plate on his head?

Reg

What does his brother call him?

R reg

 :haha:
tinker, tweek, fettle....bodge, bang, bugger!!!

Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #47 on: December 29, 2014, 20:01:04 »
Shocking. Come back prof, all is forgiven! lol
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #48 on: December 29, 2014, 22:17:02 »
:eusa-snooty:

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #49 on: December 29, 2014, 22:20:49 »
The motivational speaker asked me what percentage of my goals have I achieved? I replied 50%

He asked me how do I know it was 50%? How did I measure my success?

'I wished for a filthy rich woman. I got a filthy woman', I replied

 :groan:

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #50 on: December 29, 2014, 22:22:12 »
A twin seater helicopter crashed in an Irish cemetry.

So far the brave rescuers have recovered 385 bodies.

Offline Holmsey

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #51 on: January 01, 2015, 11:47:30 »
What's Brown and steamy and comes out of Cowes?

The Isle of Wight ferry
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Offline Mick_P

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #52 on: January 01, 2015, 21:25:31 »
Beethoven has died, and is buried in the local church graveyard.

A couple of days later, one of the ground staff is going past his grave and hears a funny noise. He listens for a bit but can't decide where it's coming from. A few days later he passes the grave again. This time the noise is louder and very obviously coming from Beethoven's grave. It sounds like music, but not like any he's heard before. Worried, he goes and gets the priest.

The priest listens carefully and tells groundsman not to worry it's just music playing in reverse. The groundsman looks confused and asks what the music is. The priest listens carefully and says that it's Beethoven's 6th Symphony. The groundsman then asks why it's happening.

The priest smiles and tells him that it's just Beethoven decomposing.....
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Offline MartinW

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #53 on: January 01, 2015, 21:26:51 »
Now that joke really is in the right thread  :)
Tall, Dark and Handsome (In 1987) - Just tall now !!

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Offline medic5

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #54 on: January 14, 2015, 21:17:36 »
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees?

Because they’re really good at it.

Offline medic5

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #55 on: January 14, 2015, 21:19:22 »
Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven was a well known six offender.

Offline medic5

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #56 on: January 14, 2015, 21:20:38 »
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

OK I'm gone...................

Offline medic5

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #57 on: January 14, 2015, 21:37:31 »
If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn? :shrug:

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #58 on: January 14, 2015, 21:42:50 »
Is Felixstowe at the end of Felixfoot?  :shrug:

Offline Sequeira

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #59 on: January 14, 2015, 23:27:04 »
two peanuts to cross the road. One of them falls and the other shells to laugh.