Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes  (Read 134399 times)

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Offline Mick_P

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REALLY Bad Jokes
« on: August 06, 2014, 19:38:14 »
Just wondering if members know any REALLY bad jokes. No dirty or racist jokes and no defamatory jokes either please.

Here's a starter.

A duck was waiting at the kerb to cross the road, when a dog came up and said 'I wouldn't do that if I were you. A chicken crossed here once and they've never shut up about it.'
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Offline 2112

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2014, 20:06:50 »
What's red and invisible ?

No tomatoes...
It's pronounced 'twenty-one-twelve'

Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2014, 21:35:32 »
Now who's been raiding the Christmas crackers?!
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

Offline Rochdale Hornet

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2014, 13:20:48 »
Two blondes walk into a building... you would have thought one of them would have seen it!

Offline TLPower

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2014, 13:33:33 »
What's black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra.
To be happy, I don't need private helicopters,a Florida house or a yacht. I'm fine with my motorcycle,a trip to a forest in Bavaria and some lunch money.

Walter Rohrl.

Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2014, 13:36:07 »
Guess who I bumped into at specsavers? Feckin' everyone!
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2014, 13:42:46 »
Quote from: "TLPower"
What's black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra.

Herd (!) that one before...
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

ProfG

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2014, 13:43:05 »
What's Algebra?



It's a zebra that bites like a cobra.

Offline 2112

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2014, 19:35:10 »
What do you call a man with jelly in one ear and sponge in the other ?

A trifle deaf !
It's pronounced 'twenty-one-twelve'

Offline medic5

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2014, 21:36:10 »
Ryan Air, Easy Jet, Thompson, monarch ..... :grin:

Oh and........BMW

Offline krisv

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2014, 23:49:00 »
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
    He sipped his coffee before it was cool!

Offline Jacko

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #11 on: August 08, 2014, 06:56:27 »
Doesn't quite work on here.

Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #12 on: August 08, 2014, 07:02:34 »
Yes, that anti-septic thingy kills everything!
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

Offline Mel

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #13 on: August 08, 2014, 07:45:02 »
Two tomatoes were crossing a road. The first tomato was nearly smashed by a car , but jumped back in the last second.
The other said:
See what you did! You just fecked up a good joke!

Offline Rochdale Hornet

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2014, 07:53:32 »
An Ice Cream man was found dead on the floor of his van covered with Hundreds and Thousands.  Police say that he topped himself...

Offline Brockett

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #15 on: August 08, 2014, 20:34:59 »
In the Optician's Window...... Two monocles making a spectacle of themselves.
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can.

Offline Rochdale Hornet

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2014, 23:34:31 »
Somebody complemented me on my driving the other day, they left a note on my windscreen which said "Parking Fine", which I thought was nice of them...

Offline 2112

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #17 on: August 09, 2014, 10:29:45 »
I stopped a large gentleman covered in tattoos the other day to ask for directions.

"what's the quickest way to get to the hospital mate" I said.

"Call me a twat" he replied....
It's pronounced 'twenty-one-twelve'

Offline Rusty Nuts

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2014, 18:03:16 »
A very rich, very small man went on trial in a foreign land for bribery. Part way through the trial, he gave £60 million to, er, somebody. The trial went away.
....Oh, hang on, that appears to be true.

Offline Mick_P

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2014, 20:27:24 »
Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Becasue one Oeuf is enough....... :animals-chickencatch:
Blue AN400, Connie III
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Caution, ABBA fan!