Author Topic: REALLY Bad Jokes  (Read 134314 times)

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Offline Sasquatch

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #180 on: March 11, 2018, 23:44:23 »

What do you call a girl with one leg on either side of the river?

Brigitte

Offline Woodyflyer

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #181 on: March 12, 2018, 08:01:10 »

Just been told that  Ken Dodd has died at the age of 90

I said

Did he man !
⁣​

Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #182 on: March 12, 2018, 08:21:34 »
 :groan:

I bet his funeral runs on for hours!
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

Offline Froglodyte

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #183 on: March 12, 2018, 18:18:44 »
After the tax fiasco, he got 2 new diddy men -
Diddy Pay and Diddy feck

Offline mr_diver

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #184 on: September 11, 2018, 22:03:46 »
.



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Offline Griff2

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #185 on: September 12, 2018, 12:55:14 »
........

Offline Brockett

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #186 on: September 12, 2018, 14:51:46 »
My GP, "Don't eat anything fatty"

Me, "What like sausages and bacon?"

My GP,  No Fatty. Don't eat anything!"

 :groan:
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can.

Offline ChrisS

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #187 on: September 12, 2018, 22:50:26 »
 Q How do you know when a man/woman from (insert name of town) has had an orgasm ?
 A  He/she drops his/her chips/kebab/burger etc...

This is the polite and 'inclusive' version.....
I wouldn't care to be a member of any club that would accept me as a member....Marx (Groucho not Karl)

Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #188 on: September 13, 2018, 10:23:51 »
The inventor of the jug died today.

Tributes have been pouring in.

*************************************
I didn't realise that removing my doorbell would have should a knock on effect.

*************************************
The future's not what it used to be.
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #189 on: September 16, 2018, 15:49:34 »
I hear there's a new Elbow tribute band called Arse.
They're so good you can't tell one from the other.

*********************************************

It's great to hear Lion King FC have had a good stert to their season.........
..... a win away, a win away, a win away.

********************************************

This season I've started playing football for a team called 'The Musketeers'.
We're doing really well so far, winning three & drawing one..........
All 4-1 & one 4 all.

*************************************************

I've just found out that if you say gullible REALLY SLOWLY,
it sounds like oranges!
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Offline Brockett

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #190 on: November 24, 2018, 18:32:18 »
Pupils at an Ipswich school were concerned that the fifteen year old asylum seeker in their class was in fact about thirty. Investigations found they were right. What first alerted them was his ability to count up to twenty without having to remove his shoes when all they could manage was twelve.
This doesn't last forever, so do it while you can.

Offline TLPower

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #191 on: November 24, 2018, 19:22:27 »
 :)
To be happy, I don't need private helicopters,a Florida house or a yacht. I'm fine with my motorcycle,a trip to a forest in Bavaria and some lunch money.

Walter Rohrl.

Online kwackboy

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #192 on: November 24, 2018, 21:35:20 »
.
Chief trouble maker 🙂

Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #193 on: November 25, 2018, 10:21:47 »
One of the grandsons had a birthday yesterday and got a 'joke' book as a present. Kids jokes of course and most are too bad, even for this section, but one did stand out..........

What's brown and sits on a piano stool?

Beethovens last movement. 
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Online kwackboy

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #194 on: November 27, 2018, 12:35:28 »
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.

They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral sex' will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 

"What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure, I think she choked.'
Chief trouble maker 🙂

Offline Gassoon

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #195 on: November 27, 2018, 12:37:51 »
 lol
"I am a dignified citizen of the area, not a fox-faced vagabond in an over-fancy hat!"

Work Experience Stasi


Offline Barbel Mick

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #196 on: November 27, 2018, 13:49:23 »
 lol
Mick

Retired Breakfast Tester and semi professional tumbler.

Offline tallpaul

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #197 on: November 27, 2018, 14:03:33 »
 lol lol lol
Old enough to know better, but still too young to care...

Offline wurzel

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #198 on: November 27, 2018, 17:45:57 »
 lol lol

Offline Tusker

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Re: REALLY Bad Jokes
« Reply #199 on: November 27, 2018, 19:59:51 »
as a child I asked my parents for a skateboard, they said no.... I said I have to have a skateboard,, they said no way.. Did I give up ??? no way!! I went to the shed, got a piece of wood,, shaped it and then used it to beat my parents to death....Both of my foster parents bought me skateboards.